12 Absurd Things You Should Never Say to Muslim Women Who Don’t Wear Hijab

Last Updated on September 22, 2020 by Nina Ahmedow

Muslim women who don’t wear hijab are in the unfortunate position of getting a lot of outrageous comments from Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

While I understand that non-Muslims don’t necessarily know a lot of things about Islam and may want to ask certain questions, there are some things that are really insensitive. Some questions are better left to Google if you’re not willing to actually read a book on the matter.

On the other end of the spectrum, many fellow Muslims tend to feel like somehow their comments are actually welcome.

In order to make things very simple for everyone, I hereby present to you the twelve things you should never say to Muslim women who don’t wear hijab.

1. You’re one of the good Muslims, right?

First, this comment assumes that Muslims are somehow bad people. Trying to elevate me to the status of “VIP Muslim” because of the way I dress is not going to make me feel as “honored” as you might think.

Second, not dressing in a way that some people expect Muslim women to dress says very little about actual belief systems.

2. You can’t be feminist and Muslim.

This one comes from both Muslims and non-Muslims alike. And it’s a statement that Muslim feminists have to hear regardless of how they dress. Islam and feminism don’t contradict each other at all.

On top of that, please don’t tell me if my different identities match or not. You don’t decide what I can or can’t be. I am both of those things, and your opinion will not change how I identify.

3. Finally, somebody who accepts our Western values./You’re Westernized.

To the non-Muslims: If by Western values you mean things such as paying women less than men you can keep those to yourself.

To the Muslims: If by Westernized you mean that I don’t believe women need to hide their bodies then yes.

There are different reasons for not wearing hijab, but trying to be more “Western” is not usually one of them.

4. But other Muslim women I have met wear hijab.

You know, other Christians I have met like to wear skirts. But that’s not really relevant to their religion, is it? The hijab is not a symbol of religiosity. Someone who wears it is not more or less religious than someone who doesn’t. And they are most definitely not the standard by which all other Muslim women should be measured. Muslim women who don’t wear hijab are not more or less Muslim.

5. Are you even Muslim?

So because I don’t dress in a way that you associate with my religion I don’t believe in it? Because you associate Muslim women with the hijab doesn’t mean that it is common in all Muslim cultures. There’s a lot of diversity in Islam, and looking only at Arabs or viewing all Arabs as Muslim has a lot to do with orientalism. (Orientalism is a serious problem in travel blogging, by the way.)

6. Your prayer is not valid if you don’t dress properly.

Oh, the self-appointed religious police. Under the guise of, “enjoining what is right, and forbidding what is evil” they offer unsolicited advice to other Muslims. Guess what, I didn’t ask for your advice and might know more about Islamic jurisprudence than you do. You know what’s even better, God can do the job of Judge just fine and doesn’t need your help. Feel free to focus on your own religious life.

7. You’ll be ready for it soon, insha’allah.

We are now entering the territory of those well-intentioned people who think that we actually want to wear hijab but have some psychological obstacles to overcome. I don’t want to diminish the fact that some Muslim women who don’t wear hijab actually wish to wear it. However, the vast majority of Muslim women I have met who don’t wear hijab choose not to wear it.

8. You look so beautiful with hijab, masha’allah.

Every once in a while even Muslim women who don’t wear hijab decide to wear it. This could be because they believe they should wear it in certain settings. Or even because they go somewhere they are forced to wear it (like mosques or certain countries). Whenever that happens, there is at least one fellow Muslim sister who makes a comment about how this woman looks so great with hijab that she should always wear it. Clearly, this completely contradicts the purpose that hijab proponents claim the hijab has.

If you use someone’s vanity to lure them into wearing hijab something is seriously wrong with you.

9. Nobody will marry you if you don’t wear hijab!

The assumption that marriage is desirable comes, of course, from the saying that “marriage is half the faith.”

But even if we were to assume that, should this be the reason for wearing hijab? And what exactly is the value of a marriage which is based on somebody’s fashion choices?

10. If you don’t wear hijab then no wonder non-Muslims think it’s a bad thing.

I remember this one very vividly. We were at a Muslim women’s seminar. About 75% of the women there wore hijab, 25% didn’t. Of the 25% who didn’t wear hijab, at least 95% were extremely knowledgeable about Islam and knew why they were not wearing it.

First of all, why don’t you stop caring about what non-Muslims think of your hijab?

Second, don’t make me responsible for how people react to your fashion choices. Thank you.

11. You will distract the brothers.

Let me tell you this, Muslim gatherings are marriage markets. The amount to which both men and women actively seek out partners in these situations is shocking. Both men and women are extremely aware of who is present on the other side of the room, whether they are single or married, etc. This has nothing to do with hijab. In fact, if you go back to point 9, there are men who clearly prefer women who wear hijab, so these women are stared at even more intensely.

And no, I’m not accepting responsibility for someone else’s thoughts or behavior.

12. Any analogy including pearls, diamonds, lollipops, etc.

For those who are not in the know, there was a famous ad comparing women to lollipops. In this ad, women with hijab were symbolized by wrapped lollipops. So women without hijab were lollipops without the wrapper, surrounded by flies.

Much has been said about these comparisons. On the one hand they compare women to objects. On the other hand men are thieves who want to steal jewels or flies who surround lollipops.

All I really want to do after hearing or seeing those comments is throw up as if I had been eating nothing but lollipops all day.

pin what not to say to muslim women who don't wear hijab

Thanks for reading! Now you really don’t have an excuse anymore to say things like this to Muslim women who don’t wear hijab.

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  • Reply
    Runa Kanom
    September 6, 2019 at 12:18 pm

    Honestly I don’t wear hijab myself and I can tell you this post is flawed in so many ways. Let’s touch on point 8. Absolutely nonsensical! Some women do look more attractive in Hijab, regardless of whether it was intended as an obligation or for beautification. It frames the face, hell it acts as a contour & can look beautifully feminine! You cannot say it’s wrong to say this to someone wearing a hijab because attractiveness is Subjective! I.e. “Beauty lies in the eyes of the Beholder”. By holding back incase the woman may embrace the Hijab permanently, its literally cunning and propagating against the Hijab. Whoever wrote this article is almost coming off as holding a personal vendetta against the Hijab. Know where to draw the line and this one point, has invalidated the whole article for me which is a shame because I agree on several of these points.

    • Reply
      Nina | Lemons and Luggage
      September 6, 2019 at 6:32 pm

      Thanks for the comment, Runa! I think you would know that most people only give that compliment in order to convince women to keep wearing hijab, not because the person actually looks better with hijab. And even if they did look better, that wouldn’t be accepted as a reason to wear hijab by the conservatives.
      You’re free to feel that this invalidates the post, but I stand by what I said.

  • Reply
    saira ashraf
    September 18, 2020 at 12:08 pm

    I dont know if you will be able to reply to this given that the article was published a year ago. I have come across all these comments and more because that I used to wear Hijab and now I dont anymore but what I dont understand is that when people question your modesty and other things when they talk about Hijab. Personally I dont think a piece of cloth being on my head can make anymore modest than without it but when I say this I hear people telling me are you better than the wives and daughters of Prophets who used to cover from head to toe. I really wish I could answer them back on this but really it makes me wonder what can I answer them that can make them shut up

    • Reply
      Nina Ahmedow
      September 18, 2020 at 12:42 pm

      Thank you for your comment, Saira! I am sorry you have to go through that. It can be really difficult because people place so much more emphasis on hijab than anything else. In my opinion, it proves that they are more concerned with women’s bodies than other things.

      To be very honest, I don’t think there are any arguments that will help you get through to these people, and maybe your energy would be better used elsewhere. You can try explaining to them that the wives and daughters of our Prophet lived in a different time and place, but they will probably just reply that Islam is for all times. And yet they are doing things that the Prophet did not do simply because times have changed. I believe the best thing you can do is try to free yourself from their opinions and strengthen your own views on the matter. Arguing with narrow-minded people doesn’t usually lead to anything positive, but if you feel confident in your decision maybe you can support other women and girls who are going through similar situations.

      I am sending lots of love your way, and hope that you can find peace with the fact that other people will never fully understand you. In the end, Allah knows your heart, and the big advantage we have in Islam is that we can communicate directly with Allah, not through scholars, let alone people who criticize us.

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